Wow, thanks everyone, I haven't been back to this thread since the day after I wrote it, all such great advice.
Yes, it is "our" son, I already have legal custody. I physically moved away from him over a year ago, I was just in that mindset that we could still make it work. I wanted it to end amicably but I'm realizing I'm talking way too much to him now, and it should be the way you said it Rose. He used to, and still thinks, he can "help" me, but HE IS THE ONE WHO HURT ME, over and over and over, WHAT am I THINKING?.....
thanks so much for all the responses, so much support here, thanks to you all and hugs