We tend to marry someone like one of our parents and try to fix the past...this is all on an unconscious level, of course. I did that....for 31 years, then found the book which I believe should be read by everyone on the planet (1 in 3 women will be physically assaulted and it all begins with verbal abuse): The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. I have also written a paper (which was presented at the State Counseling Association) on verbal abuse. With verbal abuse alone, the brain can physically change....I have slides of brain images. I WISH we could drop that term "domestic"---violence and abuse...are violence and abuse. It is rarely, if ever a good idea to go into counseling with an abuser.

The abuser need to go by themselves and deal with their own issues....after some time has passed, etc.....the therapist can assess if couples counseling is in their best interest.

My suggestion is find a good therapist, support group; take care of yourself ...be kind and gentle to yourself; hugs and love, Nicole (if you are interested in my paper, let me know; glad to send it)