Hi all.

I am still in the infancy of my treatment and I was diagnosed with bipolar after only a short talk with a councilor. At the time, it seemed to me that was the correct diagnoses as the symptoms matched 80% what I was going though: Impulsive decisions, bad with money, extreme mood changes, high energy/not needing sleep for days, weeks where I sleep all day, audio hallucinations, delusions of grandeur... However, as time moves on and I learn more and more about bipolar, I am starting to think I have something else entirely.

The first indication of this is that my mood will violently shift multiple times a week, or if it is bad multiple times a DAY with me going from enraged monster storming around the house to a crying wreck on the floor within an HOUR. From the research I have done this would mean I have ultra-ultra-rapid-cycling bipolar which from what I have read is very rare.

Something else that bothers me is that if I have bipolar, I am very high functioning bipolar sufferer. Most of the people I meet in support groups can not keep a job due to their illness and are on disability. Almost all of them have been hospitalized at least once in their life because of bipolar. Some even have a hard time dealing with the world at large without proper treatment. This does not define me one bit. I have never been fired from a job. Every job I have had I made such a significant impact on the employees and the business as a whole, creating systems and workflow that are in practice years after I have left. In at least two occasions I have been asked to come back. This does not sound like anyone I know that has (untreated) bipolar and it makes me have my doubts. I also have never been hospitalized for any mental illness which I also find odd if I do have bipolar.

Another issue that I believe conflicts with the diagnosis is one of my worst symptoms that defies explanation: An out-of-body experience I have tentatively called a "Rage".

In another thread on here I described this event. I feel like I loose 20 to 30 IQ points during an episode. I do not think, I only react and I react violently often throwing things around and hitting things. I have destroyed a door, a $200 phone, a fan, thrown countless soda and water bottles, etc.) Anger is the only emotion I feel during these times. The anger is directed at my live in GF 90% of the time (I feel it is important to note here that I HAVE NEVER TOUCHED HER IN ANGER, and have asked her to leave repeatedly for her own safety and mental well being. She continues to refuse. As explained in another thread, if I leave she will have no way to support herself). After a "rage" I am tormented by the knowledge of what I have done and fall into a deep depression as the gravity of it all starts to sink in. I am scared by my rages, scared I will do something I can not take back. And the scariest part? I have worked very hard to stop these "rages" with very little success. There is a fraction of a second that I can catch myself and pull away from the ledge. However, that window passes me by quickly and I am rarely fast enough to catch it. These rages got exponentially worse after the death of my father. I do not know if it is related or not.

I have found hardly no documentation of of bipolar "rages" except for a few posts on this forum. That makes me believe it is something else like Dissociation Disorder which was briefly touched upon by my last pDoc or IED like someone suggested in another thread here.

Basically, I am asking if what I typed above sounds like the symptoms of bipolar to you guys. I really want a lot of information to give my new pDoc when I see him in March.

I know you guys are not pDoc's and can not give me any kind of diagnoses, however any insight you have will be greatly appreciated. Thank you all