See, I thought at first I might be attracted to her, but I've thought a lot about it and decided that that's not the case because a) she is my mother's age, b) I don't find her particularly physically attractive (not that she's unattractive; I just don't really notice it), and c) she has a partner who she's been with for more than a decade and I really love hearing her talk about her partner and tell me about their relationship. I think if I was attracted to her, I might be jealous of her partner.

I think what it really is is that she's a role model for me and she gives me hope that I can create a life like she's created for herself and find someone who will love me like her partner loves her and that it's not impossible just because we're gay. And also just that she has so much knowledge about what it is to be gay because she's been out way longer than I have, so she can tell me things about what it was like five years ago or ten years ago or historically or introduce me to different aspects of "our" culture.

I don't think it's an attraction; I've actually talked about this with my T and she agrees that it's really normal for me to feel this way about having a "role model" for the first time. (And my T is also gay, which I would say is a coincidence but it isn't - I looked specifically for a T who specialized in LGBT issues as well as other issues I've struggled with. But she says it's really normal for young gay people to want older gay people to look up to.)