so I have T tomorrow . for some time I have been working on this time line thing so I can have a grasp on when things happened in my life .it has kind of been a double edge sword for me .as it has been painful and bringing up a lot of memories and realizations .in fact I am kind of convinced that working on this is what may have started all this uproar in my emotions and thoughts in the last few months. I have been wanting to share it with my T but every time I try to I chicken out.

I had attempted to do this when we first started meeting thinking it would be helpful. it was hard to get the information, i had to skillfully get some info from the mother and farther. reading back in journals and so on. I had brought it to T and told her that I had done this . and asked if she wanted to see it. I had an unbelievably hard time talking in T at that point. she said yes and when I went to hand it to her she refused to take it asking me to read it . so I started and was only able to read a few lines of it. she sat there looking at me as I did this and did not comment on any of it or anything. it was completely miserable. I could not figure out if she was even a little interested in it at all. it seemed not. eventually I just said that was it and put it back in my pocket and when I got home ripped it up and never brought it up again.

in the last month or so she has been asking me about how old I was when something went on or something like that. i don't know ,I have a very hard time with time and ages and stuff like that .in my head it is all jumbled in one big mess. what happened yesterday may as well have happened 20 years ago and what happened 20 years ago may as well have happened yesterday. anyway this prompted me to do this timeline thing again. only this time I have even more accurate information that I didn't have before.it is very basic stuff .no trauma stuff listed and mostly important dates like divorces, deaths, hospitalizations , school and so on. but it helps me figure out when and how old I was when traumatic things went on in my life.

so I have done this again and want to share it with her but am terrified that I might get the same response again and that will devastate me. any ideas on how to grow a spine and just give it to her