Hi, now I am SERIOUSLY not undermining ANYONE'S religion but there are some Christian's who do engage in sex outside of marriage aren't there??
Which can be based on different interpretations of the Bible, so surely you can still be a Christian and just as devoted and committed to Christianity if you're having sex in a really meaningful and committed relationship can't you????? And by the way I really AM asking there!!
But by the way, you're making 30 sound like it's really old! Fair enough it's not young to have sex for the first time, but it really isn't old (in itself) either. Perhaps a little more focus on finding someone really special in your life and enjoying the real strong feelings/connection going on with that as opposed to having underlying thoughts of am I going to be having/am I going to be able to have sex with her (and REALLY sorry if I'm getting those thoughts wrong there!!).
So let's say, just a suggestion, this may be psychological with all the stress, anxiety, worries, conflicts and it is theoretically possible for you to have sex then maybe time to have a think about your priorities in life? What would mean more to you at the end of the day: looking for someone you can really care about, developing a deeply loving, meaningful relationship where sex MAY come along when the feelings are there OR waiting to get married to someone......worrying about all of this in the meantime (feeling even worse) and then trying for sex when the ring's on her finger, so to speak.
I'm not undermining your values in ANY way, but I'm just throwing in some thoughts as I really would like for you to be able to find some real happiness and a way forward that's feels right for YOU.
Just come back at me if you're disagreeing, happy to try and help you find that.
Alison