HazelGirl;I try really hard to keep it together in my appointments. I don't want to cry in front of you. I don't want to cry in front of anyone. It's embarrassing, and I feel like you will judge me. I have gotten to the point where I can admit to feeling certain things (although I do feel embarrassed), but I don't think I can cry. I wish I could, though. There have been many times I have wanted to, but couldn't because of fear. I was feeling very emotional yesterday at my appointment, and I told you that. Normally, I can sort of detatch myself from the emotions relating to trauma, but this time I couldn't. I felt very raw and exposed. But I still didn't cry. I almost did several times, but I was able to avoid it. When will this dam break? And what will come out when it does? That worries me

I know the feeling, HazelGirl. My therapist and I are working on breaking the dam on my emotions and I am so afraid of what will happen. I've teared up in front of him a few times but never really cried, and I really fear losing control. Hugs to you - keep on with the struggle and don't be afraid, and I will try not to be either