Thanks for the support, I really need it. I don't need that user in my life.

He is still blocked on my phone, first time I have gone this long. In the past I have blocked him and then quickly unblocked him an hour or two later. It's a little like going through withdrawal but I can do it. I know that the longer I go without contact the easier it will be and maybe at that point I'll be able to see the bigger picture.

I just felt ill this morning about yesterday. Why I put myself in that degrading position just mystifies me. Still mortified and embarrassed.

But I did do one thing, I contacted a mental health provider for an appointment. Currently I am med and therapist free. I have not seen anyone. for 15 years My only resistance has been that I know they will suggest medication and I don't want to take it. So we will see where that goes.

On an upside the sun is out, I'm going to the gym and then go buy a bunch of healthy food.