I get not wanting to talk about them. With that (very brief and vague) description, I would take a guess what your infatuation/obsession with your T has a lot to do with your own past and how it has affected your processing skills and personality.

If your T is aware of your past, it would help him maintain healthy boundaries with you because anything else would be taking advantage of you.

ETA: You posted your second post but I didn't see it until after I clicked "post". I can see how your feelings and actions with your T can fit in with your diagnosis. I'm sure other people with Borderline would be able to understand it a lot better than I can! Thank you very much for being willing to share that.