It's been some time since I've been here. Heh..funny I thought I was strong enough to be on my own. To live life with zero support from people who understand my illness. I amaze myself sometimes with how naive I can be. When you fall, you fall hard.
I've graduated college, I've failed so far to get a real full time job. I applied to Grad school and now all I can do is wait. My boyfriend went back to school...he's doing something with his life. I feel like a failure just sitting at home every day. I dig deeper and deeper into myself, emotionally and physically. I can't find a single thing I enjoy doing. It's becoming more and more alarmingly obvious that I have no sense of self. I can tell that there's nothing inside me. I'm just skin and organs, alive because that's what I'm designed to be.
I'm falling off the deep end. I'm wanting to do more and more reckless hurtful things just so I can feel anything at all.