Hello "out there"

Recently I was diagnosed with BPD. I'm a highly functional adult but my life has little joy. Primarily because my intimate relationships, friends or lovers crumble when they get to a certain point of closeness which is the 2nd date or when I let some one see how I am really feeling on the inside. Most of my emotional strength is spent hiding how much pain I am in. Has anyone else had this experience? I crave love and closeness like anyone but even my cat pulls away and gets cranky when I let my guard down. At my wits end, any conversation to be had "out there"?

Tattinka