I hear your frustration. Perhaps, more so, than him admitting it was an emotional affair, is acknowledging how his actions caused a great deal of pain.

You seem to be doing all the work, alone in therapy, and all he seems to be offering, is to get back what you had, when you were 27. Those days are long gone.

In his own way, it sounds, he's still depriving you, of the very things, that led to what destroyed the marriage, to begin with.

You aren't selfish, whatsoever, to consider your future, after kids. You deserve to have a companion, after the kids are grown and moved out.

His unwillingness, to give couples therapy a chance, again, now that you are at least more open to it, speaks volumes.

I don't believe, that the chances for finding companionship, as we grow older, is unlikely. It's just right now, you are still dealing with the same person, who hasn't changed, since you were 27.

Affairs, can be overcome, but it's like starting a whole new relationship. One that has lost its innocence. It would involve a great deal of communication, trust and respect.

If he'd at least, acknowledge this, without admitting guilt, because hey, to him, he may honestly not see anything wrong with that friendship he'd had with her. To at least acknowledge, that perhaps spending so much time with another woman, as his friend/companion, displaced that role for you, would be something he'd need to consider, to help you move past the heartache.

Sometimes, people just grow apart.