It sounds like you two are now basically housemates. If that seems to be working for the sake of the kids, then maybe it's the best of bad options. People do get over one party having an affair, or even both, for that matter. I know of a very solid marriage where that did happen . . . so it is not impossible.

No one can tell you what you should "forgive and forget." Only you can determine that. It doesn't matter what others might do. It doesn't sound like you two love each other any more. If you can at least live like decent housemates and treat each other with respect, that love could possibly come back. Pretty tough situation, though. I'm really sorry for you and for those three young kids. Maybe you should get through your schooling first and then see where you're at. It almost sounds like, financially, the two of you don't believe you can separate.

There is always someone out there who could put something like this behind them. So what? There are plenty who couldn't. You're not making a big deal out of nothing. It is a lot . . . it is a big mess. You're trying to figure out what to do based on wanting to know what you should do. There are no shoulds here at this point. It boils down to what do you think is possible. Then, comparing the possibilities, what gives you the closest to something you would want. There is one should that both your husband and you need to think about. What do the two of you owe those 3 kids?

At one point, even after knowing that you were with someone else, he said he wanted to put the past in the past. That does give you something to work with. Some short term therapy to come up with some kind of a temporary treaty might lay some groundwork for the future. You actually sound more hopeless about preserving the relationship than he does. If you really want out . . . then face that's what you want.

It is totally possible that you may not find someone else, whether you split now or later. It's also possible that he will have another affair when you least expect it. This is a really tough one to figure out. Therapy sounds out based on his reluctance. But what can a therapist tell either one of you that you don't both know already? I wish I had more wisdom to offer. This is tough.