I tried to tell TT about this today. I couldn't quite do it because I can't seem to talk about this without crying and it have a really hard time crying in front of people that aren't LCM. I could feel myself tearing up and then I just dropped the topic altogether.

Before the topic was dropped, TT said she thinks the dynamic between me and LCM is interesting and then asked how old LCM is and was a little surprised that I knew she's 35 and surprised I think that she isn't really old. I have a father figure as well (a teacher and the boundaries are extremely ridged so it's not even 2% as extreme as with LCM) and he is 39 so 35 fits in that ball park pretty well. But she also wanted to know if she had kids. I mean, the fact that she has a daughter doesn't make her feel more motherly to me. It probably does because she's probably quicker to assume that role. The reason I see her like this is because she was there from 9 to 5 everyday and literally put a bandaid on my cuts, told me that I deserved to be cared for and said told me that she'll protect me.

I asked TT if I was making any progress. I did this because I was kinda curious if she would bring up my somewhat obvious complete lack of attachment to her despite having worked with her for four months. She said "it's an interesting question" and then proceeded to tell me that I haven't been doing badly but she feels like we haven't figured out how to connect. I said "the problem is that I'm very distant?" and she agreed. I think it's good that she knows there is a roadblock.