(((( chalmette ))))

Don't be so hard on yourself. You have literally been through Hell and back. You can't expect to live through something like that and not be scarred for life.

It sounds like a panic attack. Do you have a T, or talked to anyone about PTSD? I would think that would be a major contributor of your struggles to hold it together.

PTSD is a toughie. It would be hard to tackle it alone.

Take care,

Petunia