In IFS you could explain this by saying you have a dependent part and a counterdepedent part which are "polarized" with each other. In other words, you have one part which is trying its best to recruit someone to rescue and soothe the parts of you that are hurting, and a different part that is saying "no don't do that, it's a terrible idea, it always turns out badly!" and those two parts are just fighting for control of what you will do. This is why you have no medium setting, because they are fighting and there is nobody to mediate a compromise.

If you keep working on honoring both sides, hopefully eventually you will be able to do what you can to support yourself, AND get support from others and it won't have to be either-or.