Hi Jon! I'm glad you're focussing on getting better. One thought I had was maybe keeping a journal might help. That way you can keep the negative thoughts out of your head and onto the paper. My T also tells me all the time that we know the best way to help ourselves. If I ask myself during difficult times what I need, if I'm quiet, the answer comes. I know it can be horrible to wait for help. I was needing meds and feeling suicidal at one point in my life and when I told the clerks at the doctor's office, they just kept saying, I'm sorry, it will be 6 weeks at least. I didn't know at that point I could go to the ER and they didn't bother to tell me that. She asked me if I wanted an appointment and I said, "No! I might be dead by then!" I have manic depression too and I was in the thick of it then. It sounds like you're able to think pretty clearly right now, which is great. I hope you get to see a doc soon. Untreated Bi-Polar can be nasty. All my best to you. Take great care of yourself! Annie