Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
No, I can't understand your dilemma. Do you seriously believe that PIV (penis in vagina) is so different from what you have experienced that you can call yourself a virgin? I mean, PIV is different in that it has the baby making potential. Other than that, it is just one of many types of being sexual with a woman. You need to stop calling yourself a virgin, because you have been sexual with a handful of ladies. You need to stop calling yourself impotent, because you are not. The only truthful depictor of you, from the title of the thread, is that you are 30. Be truthful with yourself (I am starting to sound as if I had come from Pinocchio  ) and then you wouldn't be growing a large stiff long nose, but instead will experience the sought after stiffness in the right place at the right time.
Also, Christian dogma is no excuse. You're 30 years old and are responsible for how you think. Don't cite your beliefs - had you truly adhered to them, you would really abstained from sex until marriage. I can't believe that you don't realize that what you yourself dubbed your sexual experience is somehow exempt from being considered sexual and that you still qualify as a virgin, even if modified by "technical". Also, if you do not treat Christian beliefs dogmatically, the way you are, but rather think about what sensible ideas might be behind Christian teachings, you would realize that people who willingly wait until marriage do so not out of a superstitious fear that they would otherwise be damned, and, not because they believe that that will guarantee them a special experience (almost as dogs waiting for treats in an obedience school), but because they genuinely want to share ALL of their first mutual sexual experiences with their spouse. This is called saving yourself for marriage. You have not done it, already, and there is no coming back, unless you think that your future wife - provided that she will be of the save yourself until marriage persuasion, which remains to be seen - will accept that your sexual rendezvous with almost 10 ladies have all been your patiently saving yourself until marriage?
I am not chastising you - from my standpoint, you can do whatever you want. I am trying to show that you li |
Hamster bamster,
Thank you for your thoughts and feedback. You have given me plenty to think through.
You see, the heart of my issue about this is this whole idea that I haven’t had intercourse. I am so caught up with the actual physical act.
The reason why is because surely actual penetrative sex is technically seen as what “counts” as to losing one’s virginity. So yes it could be argued that just because I haven’t done this, I am only a technical virgin but still a virgin all the same and it is THAT, that bothers me greatly. For some reason due to the warped logic, which I admit I have, I cannot seem to overcome the fact that I have still not inserted my penis into a vagina at the age of 30. Even though I may have had intimate relationships and “flings” or whatever, that FACT seems to plague me and kill me inside on a daily basis. It’s as if I’m basing my entire self worth on my lack of sexual experience. I suppose the fact that I've numerous opportunities to have done it makes things even more intense.
Your version of saving oneself for marriage is infact correct and this is what I intended to do when I started off in my journey around 18/19 (when I first went to university and there were girls, having gone to all boys school all my life). But then with my first gf we ended up doing mild sexual touching so I was already going far. Thing is though as I got older I convinced myself as long as I don’t actually go all the way with these women, then it’s fine going to other “bases” because I would have preserved my technical virginity, because that’s the part that “counts.” I’ve still saved that for my future wife I thought, even though I haven’t exactly been pure in thought, word or deed.
But there does remain a personal dilemma now and it’s what you point out – “possibly ditch your beliefs or, alternatively, commit to waiting for marriage from now on”
That’s the dilemma I’ve been in for so long now. Nothing seems to have changed. I have been in situations where I was literally on the fence after around 26, I figured I had enough of waiting and then had this one fling with a girl and thought ok I’m going to do it only to back out at the last minute.
I can’t continue to have this internal conflict. Clearly I want to have intercourse but at the same time my internal Christian belief is a very strong force that makes me think twice. You can understand that, as it's something I've grown up with and influenced me my whole life. It's not something I can just put to one side and forget about.