I have given my therapist a birthday gift and Christmas gift, along with a CD I sent so we could share music therapeutically, but which she liked so much she told me she plays it in her car.

Giving my therapist and teachers gifts has always been a wonderful lesson for me in giving freely, with no expectation of receiving gifts. I do believe my teachers have cared for me individually and I know my therapist does, deeply. What I have to be aware of in therapy is that ours is not a reciprocal relationship, unlike my marriage or friendships. In those relationships we mostly give each other the same things: words of caring, support, and love, gifts, favors, etc.

In therapy, we exchange different forms of caring, we fund their lives, they enrich ours with their skills, guidance, and support. Some of the caring is reciprocal, but... I am there in somewhat of a subordinate position: we are equals in terms of how much respect we deserve and in ability, but she is my... teacher, mentor, guide, therapist, good enough mother. The way I give to her is a bit like a child giving to a parent or teacher I suppose, with the knowledge that she cares for me and is looking out for me, but isn't there to be my friend or peer exactly, or trade presents.

When she found out it was my birthday a few months back, I will mention that she told me she would sing to me like she did for her nieces and nephews, and she did, which I found so endearing and touching.