How Do You Put Your Abuse Behind You

I have no self-esteem, no sense of self, no happiness and just downright major hatred towards myself, all b/c of my abuse throughout my life. My abuser was my "father" - such an important role in a child's life.......so, I have learned to hate myself, as a result. Because, of course, when you are a child & imo, even an impressionable adolescent, your parents are your world. When he hurt me, I felt the whole world hated me. This is how my depression began, over 24 years ago.

I still believe I am nothing, completely worthless & hopeless. I hate myself. I can't put the abuse, the harsh words & things he said & did to me behind me.....and it's killing me........

How do you do this? Anyone?

p.s.: Please, I hope you don't reply w/ forgiveness.........although that may work for some, there is no way I am there.......I don't think I'll ever be.

Thanks for listening.

d