((AK)) I remember saying to T once, that being in "this" room is the first time I felt safe, and its the only time I feel safe. T did say eventually that will become internalised and you will carry that safe feeling within you. I think that may have happened since then but the warmth and safety that I feel also with T hasn't been internalised completely yet and at times the yearning to be with T so I can feel those feelings is so great that I feel I am going to be ripped apart by it..and like yourself at times I just need to get away from everything its all to much to cope with along with the yearning as well..

so I hear you very much!