I'm so sorry you're going through all this. It's so much harder when the people around you don't get it. I know if you could think your way out of it you would. Will your Mom send you to a therapist? Do you do journal writing? It sounds like you have all this stuff swirling around in your head. If you get some of it down on paper it might relieve the tension a little bit. You're not alone. We care about you. I hope you can find someone there to talk with face to face. My thoughts will be with you. Annie