I don't know why I'm so embarrassed about my feelings for LCM. Probably because whenever I expressed feeling something strong towards anyone my mom asked me if I am a lesbian. Like I had no friends until I was 12 and then I had a best friend for a little while until we had a falling out and I was so heartbroken and my mom decided to offer her support by calling me gay.

It's not even that I care if someone thinks I'm a lesbian or something because that's not something that's offensive. Saying that I can't have strong feelings in a platonic setting implies that platonic relationships don't have enough value for someone to get really worked up over them and that is invalidating. I don't want them to think that my feelings for her are anything but what they are and I hate feeling like I have to explain myself.

I even know that all of this is silly and that TT and school T wouldn't do that. Maybe I just feel inside that it is wrong to have strong platonic feelings because every time I expressed them growing up, my mom said I was a lesbian and that is wrong in her opinion. Liking people of the same sex isn't wrong and it's wrong of her to try to convince me of that. But even in this post I feel like I'm coming off as sounding unsure about what I feel and I worry that people will take it the wrong way and I wish I could just sit down and have a nice long chat with reality.