Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
And it's kind of the same thing when it comes to email. I have a big problem with feeling rejected and abandoned based on my past. And t knows that if I'm in crisis and email her, and she replies that she is too busy, and then waits for 2 days to get back to me, it hurts me horribly. It's the one and only main trigger that will send me into a spiral down. But she still does it. Granted, it's not very often. She usually is prompt getting back to me if I email. But sooner or later, she will send that "I'm too busy" message - usually at the worst times when I truly need her most.
I don't feel that I am terribly demanding. I never call her after hours, not on weekends or evenings. I don't page her. I've never driven by her home or tried to get her to spend time with me outside the therapy room. And I rarely ask for anything. But the TWO things I've told her from the beginning of our work together is that I need (1) prompt responses when I'm in need and (2) physical comfort on those rare occasions when my coping skills arent enough to pull me out of pain. But I feel that in these two areas, she just hasn't come through for me. With the email replies, I finally stopped emailing completely because when she responded that she was too busy to help me at the time, I just couldn't deal with it. At first, I'd get upset with her for not being more compassionate and responsive. But later, I'd apologize and end up hating myself and feeling like my needs were wrong and "too much."
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I replied about the gift thing in your other thread, but wanted to add some additional thoughts on the other things you wrote.
What you wrote about emails is what particularly struck me. I think perhaps your T could have phrased her responses better, but she is giving you a prompt response, even if it's just to say that she's "too busy." The way I imagine her meaning that is that she's too busy to read/reply to the email right then, not that she's too busy
for you. It's her way of giving you that prompt response and acknowledging that you need a reply of some kind. It might not be the reply you want, but it is a reply.
If you are really in crisis and really need a response from your T, and you get the "too busy" reply, maybe that's a time that you SHOULD call her. Yes, you might have to leave a message, but you could just say something like "I got your email reply, but I really need some support right now, can you please call me back?" It's possible T is sending an email reply without yet reading your email or not realizing how urgent things are. There are times when email is not the most effective form of communication, and most people do not consider email an "immediate" form of communication. Usually, 24-48 hours is a reasonable time to expect a reply...maybe more, if the person has decided to unplug for a few days.
Maybe this is worth a conversation with your T. Ask her if you can call her when you really need her support. Let her know that the "too busy" email upsets you and ask her if she can phrase it differently. Maybe, she could reply with something like "I've received your email but am unable to give it the time it deserves right now. If you feel this is urgent, please call me."