OH Echo's my heart missed a beat when I read your post. I am currently going through it with an online friend also and had to make sure you werent that friend LOL!! (sorry to laugh but its such a coincidence and so nice to no I'm not alone eithger)

I have sat here this morning waiting for this online friend to reply to my email where I have basically told her that she is better of without me. Of course I've added alittle drama into the situation :-(

But i have that yearning inside so badddddddddd right now I can't even concentrate enought to pick the vaccum up or do the dishes. All I have inside is pain, I want to be held, I want to be in the womb!!

I also read a post by someone on here that explained they dont want to get honest because they don't want to face the reality of their situation. That just hit home. I don't want to really talk about my pain of my yearning in T because I will really have to feel whatever it is that I am so afraid of.

But aren't I already suffering? isn't the pain of constant yearning there all the time? I feel I need to make one big attempt of purging myself of this yearning.

But then I'm afraid I will be left out in the cold, with no fantasys to keep me warm? But perhaps the fantasy is keeping the matual reality at bay? If i allow myself to really explore and put words to this yearning there will be a "new" me waiting to take over? where life today is ok? where I dont need to be in the womb? I will have emerged?

Its like a big lump of yuk inside me that I won't let up but its trying to rip me apart..if i open up and let it out will I be left?

My head is screaming "Oh please god someone help me"

I guess I'm not dealing with it? I;m sitting on it preventing it from moving through my body, keeping it stuck like an energy force that is bashing against my psyche. Someone take my hand and lead me out of this.