I started getting infatuated with drugs around the age of 11... Started doing them a year later until I too was engulfed in them and there felt like no escape. I'm not going to pretend like I know what your going through, everybody's story is different - but congratulations for reaching out. That takes a big person. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. After I got out of rehab, my whole thinking process was back. I was hiding pills and saving them for later, stealing cough syrup and lying about it. I kept a lot to myself, which I had sworn I was done with. But it did get better, and I'm sober now. I wish you the best of luck, and if you want to talk, you can message me.