I was born with a club foot. My right leg and foot are smaller and less well developed than my left leg and foot. Starting in my twenties, I had occasions of back pain and incapacitating back spasms. In my 20's and early 30's, the episodes were rare. As I recall, I might spend a day or two resting, take aspirin, the pain would go away and I would go on with my life. I chalked it up as due to my mismatched lower extremities.

I got pregnant when I was 38.

When I was around 4 mos pregnant, my back pain became pretty persistent and demoralizing.

I got a bunch of books about back pain out of the the library. One of them said that while a lot of aquatic activity was good for your back, the freestyle stroke, backstroke, breaststroke, and flutterkicking were all bad for your back. These were exactly the activities I was engaging in 4-5 times weekly to be a good, responsible " preggie." I stopped doing those activities and switched to treading water delicately up and down the lanes and my back pain disappeared completely --until my 8 th month when I had the back pain I suppose most pregnant women have. I didn't like it but I could live with it.

The day before my due date, my water broke.
After spending two days in the hospital trying to have my daughter the "natural way", my doctor finally did a caesarian. This was after many hours of straining and pushing by me.

After my daughter was born, while I was still in the hospital, I was receiving pain medication p r n.

My pain nightmare started when I left the hospital and the pain meds wore off.

I was in almost constant severe pain. I called the doctor. Motrin I was told. Well motrin did not work or aspirin or acetaminophen. Sorry, No Narcotics I was told. I went to an orthopedic doctor and after 12 weeks of p.t. and trying celebrex and vioxx and some other prescription antiinflammatories, my back still hurt incredibly. I most definitely was emotionally tense also due to the pain and I even began resenting have to pick my baby daughter up because I started to have upper back pain as well as the lower back pain and spasms.
Finally I got a new internist who reluctantly gave me a prescription for one darvocet a day. I would not give in and take that pill until around 6 pm each night. Still I was pretty miserable with pain all during the day.

For the past five years, the pain has been less chronic, but pretty severe when it does occur. I can go several days without taking a darvocet, so that the 3-5 times a month I have pain, I can take the darvocet every 6 hours. I am reluctant to do almost any household chores(my husband does them) for fear of throwing out my back. Plus my club foot causes me a lot of pain if I overexert--I use one of those motorized carts when I go shopping. If I don't use a cart, after about an hour, back spasms would often start and for sure I will be limping for 1-3 days on my club foot.

Besides my bipolar disorder and anxiety, my chronic back pain and club foot pain were included when I applied for and got SS disability. My family life has suffered bcause of my fear- which is at high phobic level-that something I might do will bring back the near continual pain. It has been very hard on my young daughter to have a mom whose physical and emotional problems have limited her life so much.
Now, unfortunately, in the past two weeks, it seems my sciatica and bursitis have suddenly become more acute anyway and I fear desperately the back spasms will become more frequent again.

I am in need of advice on how to get as much pain medicine as I need should this occur. I am also in need of anyone's advice on how they cope emotionally with inevitable chronic pain. I feel like such a wimp and failure. It's only in the last year before the recent worsening that I became less bitter towards doctors and the medical establishment. I really felt and still feel like I should be able to get all the medication it takes to stop my pain. I guess I just about feel it's my right to become a drug addict if I choose if that is what it takes to end the pain. When my daughter was 2, I took an overdose of my antidepressants because I wanted out of this world because of the physical pain. I never want it to come to that again.

If you lasted thru my life story, I thank you. Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.

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