Hey, I've been gone for a long while too and I am better for it. This place, as a general rule makes me crazy. I buy into all the "wah,wah, wah" not people really wanting some help. That said, I don't think you fit into that category. Try not to be too hard on yourself. The economy is a wreck right now and jobs are hard to come by for everyone. NOt to be Debbie Downer, but it took my nephew 18 months to find a job after graduation. And I'm sure it does feel weird being out of school. It's what you've done now for many years. But, you are in NYC. Surely there is something there that interests you or that you can do while you are waiting to hear on grad school. What about volunteering somewhere. It will get you outside yourself and might give you a leg up on a job. Just some thoughts.