Dear T,

I don't know what to do with our "relationship" anymore....it is all feeling so familiar and I can't quite get to a place of clarity where I could maybe actually intellectually articulate it to you. So it scares me to bring it up. I fear you will use my weaknesses against me. I see myself telling you about how I'm mad at you and you asking for more concrete examples. I see myself getting so anxious I can't even get the words out and you getting frustrated with me as a result. I see myself getting hurt and you telling me that maybe you aren't the best fit for me or you can't even really help me anymore. This would say to me in my mind, "Freewilled, you are too far gone. There's nothing for you. Your life is over because really, no one can help you. You make no sense. I'll pass you onto someone else and get you off my caseload."

I feel like a case study to you. I feel like another day another dollar to you. I feel boring - like my story doesn't matter. I feel like a nuisance - a bother. I feel like a burden. And please don't tell me it's cause I felt that way with my parents. Because wth does that do for me? Are you telling me that everything that has gone on between us is a direct result of my upbringing? Do you have ZERO input into things? Really? Idk about that......