I know in my case I didn't know as much about boundaries in therapy (apart from the major ones like 'don't have sex with patients' and 'don't violate Doctor/Patient confidentiality) back then, because I was under the (false) belief that the Doctor would take care of all that. I didn't think I needed to worry so much about boundaries (didn't even know that was a term), because well that was what the Doctor did. He was the one that was supposed to keep me safe, and I trusted him to do so. He betrayed that trust, and I very quickly learnt about the concept of boundaries in therapy the hard way. I can't even imagine the damage that must be done to people for whom those boundaries are violated beyond what I experienced - by that I mean those who have the misfortune to have a, I hesitate to even use the words 'therapist', or 'psychiatrist/doctor' who does cross that final taboo and actually initiates a sexual relationship with a patient. Just going through what I went through totally screwed with my head, and I consider myself one of the lucky ones that I did manage to get out when I did.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this sort of blatant exploitation, manipulation and abuse of both power and trust.
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Originally Posted by Topiarysurvivor
Your story rings true to me as well- especially the manipulation part. Manipulation in my case was very subtle. Gradually enlarging boundaries . Maybe walking a little closer to me on the way out of the office, and once asking me if I wanted a hug. I didn't.
But i think there was also testing to see if I was attracted to her. After we were living together, I told her that I liked her green sweater. Answer - I know. Did you wonder why I wore it so often? She told me later about some things she did - walking to the white board and stretching to make sure I saw her body, wearing a skirt to show off her legs. At the time she told me those things I was still flattered and intoxicated by her interest in me , but i still remember having to push my brain past a boundary. Take a leap of faith.
One thing I've learned - anytime I am making a decision based on someone else's behavior or story, and I feel a need to push to believe or accept what they are doing or saying - i need to listen to that " stop" and find out what is really going on.
No more leaps into space because I think I can trust someone completely.
Thank you for sharing - even though very different from mine, it is also very similar.
I often wonder what would happened if I had really been warned, as you are doing here for others? I think I was so far into transference that I might have still taken the leap, because I thought that she would always be there, warm, accepting everything I did unconditionally, wanting to provide me with love, things and the loving home I had never had.
Imagine this - I did confide in one therapist friend , who started to warn me - but
to her " What can it hurt to see what will happen? I'm the one with the power over her, because I can report her." OMG how wrong I was. Giving me the illusion that I had power and control in the relationship was part of the process.
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