I feel I don't exist, and like me nothing is real. I can't focus in absolutly nothing on the outside world. Nothing is there. People start talking and I can't hear. I feel very tired and it is like my mind stopped, it almost stop thinking and I try to think and the same though come over and over, headaches starts and I just wish I could be sleeping even I feel like I am in a dream. Sometimes the meaning of everything in the world just vanish from my head, looking to my family and talking to them is he same as talking with a stranger I will never meet again. My body gets frozen and totaly distant from my mindand the only moves I can't make are the involuntary ones. Once I felt so bad that I wanted to drink a tea and I couldn't move the glass, I move it a litle and then I forgoten that I had it in my hands or in my mouth, I couldn't even swallow it. Just make involuntary moves. I think in what I have to do and it seems like a dream, it's like I forget that I have a body which can do that, but it almost never feel like doing nothing. I forget about the past and the future and I stay frozen in the moment gazing into the vacuum. And of course are that times when I just hate myself, regret been born, feel ashamed of who I am and what I have said to other people.