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Old Feb 04, 2014, 08:39 PM
Anonymous37865
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I just joined this forum due to my skepticism regarding a BP diagnosis (or, many) but the more I read the more familiar it all feels. If am indeed bipolar, this is what it feels like for me:

Caffeinated euphoria - filled with excitement, confidence, love - brain is on speed - in awe of the world (and myself...) - feel significant affinity with, for example, an author (like we have a 'special connection' when I read) - often tearful; tears of being overwhelmed by beauty/poignancy all around - very irritable and agitated at the same time; can't stand people getting in my way, talking too slowly, disturbing my plans - I become very inflexible because of this and will fly off the handle if I can't have my time/space - desire to connect with others, resulting often in making contact with previous lovers, family members, and even famous people I don't know...I still sleep but need much less and often wake up with anxious butterflies in my stomach...I've also noticed that during these times I get a very sore jaw/teeth from clenching them all day/night (as if on a ton of cocaine) - drink more booze and more coffee - feel sexually adventurous (which usually becomes temporary 'bi-curiosity' - resulting last time in group sex I would otherwise never have had) - eventually the thought-train is moving too fast, everything feels awful and uncomfortable and overwhelming...now is when I either calm down or completely crash in a heap next the even bigger heap of "amazing genius ideas" I've spent the last days obsessively working on or compiling.

I will also do impulsive things like buy a plane ticket (even though I'm way too afraid to fly...) or a cheap used car, a motorcycle off ebay, or a musical instrument etc. etc. When I was a teenager I would concoct elaborate money-making and escapist schemes too (well, not elaborate at all in retrospect!) such as selling drugs, becoming a sexy decoy/private detective (I actually advertized this online once), a stripper (it all seems like a totally different person!)...the list goes on in like fashion.