Hi. I'm new here and I'm just doing anything I can to get some relief, I stumbled upon this website. I'm a 24 year old female. I have dysthymic disorder with periods of major depression. Going through a particularly bad episode right now. I just want some relief. I've had depression for so long that I know the recommended things to do - eat healthy, try to have healthy sleep habits, reach out for help. I feel very hopeless and lost in this world. I feel as though it's pointless to try to get over my depression because I just end up sad again. Why bother trying to get better when I always end up depressed again. I feel as though I have no purpose. I don't have good friends and my mother is also mentally ill. I have been hospitalized several times. I work full time and that is very exhausting, especially embarrassing when I can't seem to stop crying at work. I have triggers. This episode has been triggered by the dissolution of a relationship I was very happy in. I have always needed a man's affection to feel whole. My heart hurts and I feel terrible. People around me who don't have depression don't understand me and I make them uncomfortable, and that is a terrible feeling. I feel lonely, lost, forgotten about, rejected, heartbroken. I can't smile. I have no one to talk to. Please help me. I think perhaps I am not supposed to be here. Like I have a different purpose. Does it ever end? My mind is reeling constantly. It won't shut up. I can't calm down. I cry, I panic. I feel like half of me is missing and I worry I won't ever feel whole again. Anyway I'm having a really hard time in life and I wanted to tell someone who could understand instead of making other mentally healthy people upset. They are sick of hearing it. Thanks if you actually read this thing. I don't know what to do I just want some relief.