These are all the reasons why you shouldn't drink. Right now you may want to look at iop until your more stable. You gave her everything don't let her continue sucking the life out of you. Get healthy, and do hobbies for yourself. treat yourself and tell yourself the things you would do/say to your child if they were left for the next best thing. Don't let her destroy you it happens to to many people that after being with jerks they become one.