This secret has been kept hidden for far too long. I need to break the silence and face my fear. This is something I should have done a long long time ago.
My skin crawls anytime a guy puts a hand on my shoulder. Or just touches me in general. I hate it. I can stand from far away and blush over a super attractive guy, but if that insanely hot man were to come over and touch me in any way, I would do what I always do: shut down. Get a lump in my throat and want to go hide in a dark corner.
It happened over ten years ago, but I have never told anyone. I thought that these feelings would go away with time, but they have only gotten worse.
Writing this is an enormous step for me. But I know that I still need to do more. I'm in therapy for a bunch of other reasons, and I really do like my T. I've had a lot of Ts in the past and this one has been good for me. But one of the reasons I can't open up about this specific issue is, well, ... he's a guy.
But tonight, after weeks of thought, I finally got up the guts to post this thread. Honestly, I'm shaking. I'm so scared.
This has way too much control over me and I'm just so tired of being the victim.