Great thread – thanks!

It took some time, but I've really come to value the boundaries that are in place in my therapy. We've never talked about them, but they're somehow palpable. I see where they are – in the caring, thoughtful, mature and civilized way my therapist relates to me.

In the fever of my first desirous feelings, I once recounted to him a dream that had to do with longing for him, but was so unsubtle that I could tell it almost as a joke. In truth I guess I was testing the waters, and he responded kindly that dreams could be playful. That made me feel so safe. That courtesy, and his reliably steady, helpful and always respectful treatment has made me feel that I can talk freely about longing, lust and love without it being either dismissed or misunderstood as a come-on – even when I mean it as a come-on.

Your initial question about why boundaries, which are restrictive, make us feel good is interesting. I often think of my sloppy, emotional, rudderless self as a torrent. Good therapy, good relationships and other healthy forces are like the banks of a river that turn the destructive, out of control, aimless flood into an easier, more controlled, more purposeful river. I can still enjoy my desirous feelings in fantasy or in general warm feelings for him, because of that sense that the water won’t spill over the banks. I can enjoy it and not be overwhelmed by it.