I am sorry to hear what happened to you. To want to kill a violator like this is quite normal. I am asking the same as Hazel did..." Are you talking to anyone about this?"

If not...my suggestions are. NOT to just go to any therapist. Don't seek out a PTSD specialist. What you seek out is someone there for rape victims and child advocacy. Because the better therapist for this particular thing will more likely to be used of more importance.

I was a victim of r*p* when I was 14 by a stranger and kidnapped.

I was alone, never heard of these things, and had no support. I had to deal with it alone.

...but I can hear you ARE NOT heartless. ...by your words you are saying, "I'm afraid that I could hurt somebody and not even care."
---That just shows you have a big heart and do care.

The thing is...your split in half with your attacker. Because you are you, and your attacker is NOT!!! Its the reasoning of your mind. Still battling off your attacker. Still fighting with them.

Your violent thoughts are fighting for your soul. This is exactly what is happening.
I noticed you used the word accepting. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT IT! You do not have to fight it either.

Hurting yourself comes from an echo of someone else hurting you. Your violence in your mind IS NOT YOURS!!!
Tell IT ...IT is dead! You have no power over me...

THEN TREAT YOU HOW YOU WOULD TREAT A BEST FRIEND!!! What would you tell your best friend? How would you treat your best friend? How would you comfort your best friend?