I had my session with my T this morning and it feels like things are good again. I did apologize to her; I couldn't really help myself. And as predicted, she said, "Thank you for that," and then asked me why I felt it was important for me to apologize to her.

And I explained to her that my intention hadn't been to breach her boundaries but I probably hadn't been expressing my need and my feelings in a way that felt good to her, and I felt bad about that. And I told her why her response to me hadn't felt safe and I told her why it bothered me that she said I was badgering her and what that brought up for me, and I told her why it felt like she was giving care and then withdrawing it and we explored where that feeling was coming from.

And she was supportive about childhood stuff. And she made the connection that last week I had felt unseen by her like I felt by my mother when I was a kid. And I felt really understood by her today. She helped me understand that when I was a kid, my way to cope with pretty much being ignored was to try to make myself as special as possible, and how that's playing out in my life with needing validation from other people.

And then she wanted me to make a list of things I liked about myself. Is it wrong that it felt like her asking me to do that (pretty normal exercise in therapy, I think) = her caring about me?

Regardless, I think rupture = resolved.