I saw this movie "filth" about a bipolar guy and at the end of the movie he hung himself.

I've been visualizing myself hanging myself, instructive and then I focus on it. I don't want to kill myself but I'm thinking about it.

I've been depressed for like 8 months now and I miss hypomania, hell even mania.

Also when I wasn't depressed I felt like people could read my minds then I would start thinking negative this about with and I couldn't control it. I would have to focus on "white noise" the sound old tv's make in my mind to stop the thoughts.

one pdoc said I was becoming psychotic a therapist Ruled out schizoaffective disorder