I really screwed up badly, and now I have to leave a job that I love because of my horrible behavior.

It's been years since I've tried applying for a job. I don't know how I'll ever get one. I'm basically too stupid and too unreliable to work anywhere.

Oh, and I need to find one without my parents finding out because they'll constantly nag me about not trying hard enough or doing enough to get one.

I don't even know how to pretend to have skills to offer any employer.

I wish I were a perfectionist so that I'd have all of these skills and qualifications I need and I would be confident and say the right things and get in and do my job so well that everyone will be impressed and no one would ever criticize me or say I'm not good enough.