Quote:
Originally Posted by tranquility84
Hi Viuam. Just want to let you know that you are not alone; your situation sounds painfully similar to mine. I am 29 years old, and have been holed up at home since Nov 13 after a major depression cost me my job; I also try to sleep all day hoping time will pass quicker and have no interest in finding a job; I binged when I feel anxious and purged when I felt guilty of all the nonsense I ate; I stopped returning phone calls and msgs from all my friends. Luckily for me I live with my mother who cares deeply for me and takes very good care of me. Although I feel a lot of shame and guilt towards her too, for my unreasonable outbursts of anger at her for no apparent reason, and mostly just being a good-for-nothing daughter.
This happened last year for me too. I have this problem of overperforming and overworking at the start of a new job (and i blame my manic depression for it) and losing concentration and focus and eventually sinking into depression after a few months. I always think a manic episode yanked me out of the depression, but in retrospect I think talks with my T must have helped too. I regret deeply discontinuing therapy after I got myself out of depression last year. I guess I was blinded by the euphoria from the mania, to believe that all the deep-seated problems and disorders I have had all my life were miraculously solved the moment I snapped outta the depression. I think it was wishful thinking on my part.
I guess what I am saying is, although meds form an integral part of healing, I think some problems can only be solved with therapy. I hope you are able to find a way to see someone to talk your problems through (My sisters are paying for my therapy since I am unemployed; is there someone who can help pay for professional help first?). I know once the money problem is solved you might face some inertia in leaving the house to actually visit your T, like me. It took me two months to call and make an appointment with my T. I have an appointment to see my T tomorrow, originally scheduled last Friday but I bailed on her because I couldn't bring myself to leave the house. I hope I will have enough courage to do the right thing tomorrow.
I wish you all the best, and take care.
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This made me cry... It is exactly the same thing that is happening to me, minus the purging and manic episodes. There are no ups, it's a constant downer. Thank you so much for writing, I didn't think that someone felt the same way. Thank you, thank you.
I am still on lexapro, but the isolation is hitting pretty hard. I get terribly anxious about seeing people. I don't enjoy it, and at the moment I look terrible and that doesn't help much. As predicted, things with ex BF unravelled, and I've been taking two tablets of lexotanil 3mgs when I feel myself starting to panic over it. I have to leave the house at least once a day to walk the dogs, so I'm going to try to extend the walk for an hour to get some physical activity in there, not to mention some sunlight.
My parents have no idea what to do with me, and at this point I feel really bad for them. Everyone gets sad, so how can I explain why it won't go away? My dad doesn't even believe in medication, and he keeps nagging me about finding something to do with myself. I just to lock the door and never come out. If it weren't for the fact that I need to eat and use the bathroom I wouldn't leave at all. I'd just lie in bed and listen to audiobooks forever. It's my escape.
Under extreme pressure from family, I have been researching grad schools lately and I have a deadline this week for choosing a few. Will update at the end of the week as to my progress.
Thank you again. I'm so lonely and your words are exactly what I needed.