My depression has hit a real low point and I gave in and had some drinks last night for the first time in a while. The irony is that this depression (at least right now) is stemming from thinking of the past and mourning over the things I have lost because of alcohol and drugs. So I go back to alcohol - with a sure sign that it's just going to destroy more things no doubt if I can't control it again.

My best friend is really worried about me and she is being very supportive, but I'm afraid I'm losing her too in a big way. No one can put up with this part of me and they shouldn't have to but I also really need some help these days and I've got no one to go to. She thinks I should see a therapist or go to AA or some kind of support group, just do something, so I will, but I have my doubts about finding anything helpful at all. I think most likely I will have to wait this out as per usual and try my best not to hurt myself or anyone else in the process.