I really am doing a LOT better. For one thing, I am so busy and so tired now at the end of the day I really don't have time to sit around and think obsessively about negative things. And, I rarely have even twinges of thoughts about shooting myself, which is good, IMHO.
Change of medications DID help. Dropped the prozac in favor of cymbalta, I think it is working really well (OE, you were right, the two do NOT mix, I was just confused, you did me a big favor by pointing that out, I emailed the doc and double-checked, I kind of ignored the pharmacy tech when she told me about that - it's instead of, not in addition to! What can I say, I'm not always the sharpest tool in the shed, and my mind wanders at times I should be paying attention).
Adding my tri program is the biggest thing, it is EXACTLY what I needed, and exactly when I needed it. It is such a team/group atmosphere, we have a private facebook group and everyone is becoming great friends, which facilitates real-life, face to face interactions. The schedule is tough, the workouts are hard, and that makes me both tired and gives me a near-constant "runner's high".
I am LOVING it!
And looking forward to spring. Our winter here is the most brutal I can remember in 25-30 years, endless blizzards followed by arctic cold. Which is cramping my style a bit, Mr. outdoors sports can't even take windchillls of -25 or -30 no matter how much I bundle up.
I am about 5 sessions into hypnosis therapy. It is emotionally a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I'm committed to seeing it through. I kind of dread it, the Dr. is great, very nice, but it is trigger city, I feel jittery for the next day or so. But it should help, I understand the concept and the game plan.
I just have a little fear that it won't last. I like not feeling so down, and I want it to stay that way.
Tired of waiting around
Now, what are we becoming
Keep the car running
The only answer I know
Never taking it slow
Just it keep it coming
Keep the car running
...
And I can hear the sound of that dream
Where the engines fill the boulevard
Innocence is never lost
When you feel it pounding in your heart
Don't tell me it's over now
This ain't the time to rest
Bruised and battered, torn and tattered
Look at me, it doesn't matter
Still got some fight left
Tired of waiting around
Now, what are we becoming
Keep the car running
The only answer I know
Never taking it slow
Just it keep it coming
Keep the car running
-The Goo Goo Dolls
That is me, I was beginning to doubt it, but I do have some fight left after all.
Just need to keep it coming.
One last tidbit-- I got my wetsuit -- it is NOT attractive!
