For a few years, I've always had a sense of suicide and depression. I really hated this, yet I didn't want this side of me to go away.

If I put this in fictional terms, there's a girl who basically has a split personality. She's living her life (but not a normal one), but her ill double interferes with her life constantly, even to the point of wrecking her sanity. The thing is, she doesn't want to let her mental double go.

That explains how I feel. I want to just lessen my depression, but I don't want to be fully cleansed. That sounds strange, but I don't want this depression to leave me. My sickness is now a part of me. I thought that if I somehow got rid of this I would become a different person, and it frightened me.

Does this sound normal to you? Why do you think I think like this?