((MistressoftheDark)),

I am so sorry that you were treated so badly growing up. Children don't know how to react or even process when there is a presence constantly telling them they are worthless or their presence/appearance is unacceptable. Some of the top models have talked about how they were constantly picked on for being gawky looking and had no dates in high school.

Not all guys like skinny women, in fact they often say that it's like hugging a bag of bones. Jennifer Lopez became quite the sensation with her butt and that led to women going out and getting butt implants.

It is normal for a victim of emotional abuse like that to be shy and withdrawn and want to not be seen. Also to think that if one man was mean like what happened to you at such a young age, then men must be a threat or a source of rejection somehow.

But you need to think about this, often men feel the same way as you do, they fear rejection too. Your husband says to him you are beautiful and he loves you, you are waiting for him to reject you and you withdraw, but he is probably feeling that you are rejecting him and he isn't good enough. You need to understand that how you feel is a very common human emotional fear. And if you look to the so called beautiful and successful movie stars, they face different rejections and relationship failures all the time. The land of the so called beautiful people is often an unhappy environment too.

It isn't "just" outward beauty, and that is something that's subject to different tastes too. No, it is more about what is on the inside and developing a passion for life and deciding to be adventurous with life with a partner that cares more about how you care about them then if you look like some kind of model or whatever you seem to think is physically acceptable.

You need to make a decision to "grow out of that past and that person who is just one mean person".

((Hugs))
OE