In order to try and identify some triggers for myself, I took a deep look into what goes on when I go from good to bad, or up to down...way down. I tried to identify circumstances, or lack of, when I go into blind rage and get delusional, irrational, and overall feel and act like a different person; even though it's short lived.

Anyway, I told my T some things today that I never thought I would tell anyone. We looked deep into them and it was very difficult. I can't believe what a monster I can be. No matter what meds I take, it never stops....ever.

I just want to be a good husband and father, that's all.