I've had some minor depression, going on for a long time and there are times when it gets worse mostly when I Isolate myself. It hurts me because I freeze and feel trapped, and I know I could simply move forward and do something else I just feel trapped. It's the feeeling of entrapment,m the feeling of loss, the feeling of scarcity that bothers me this time lost. It hurts me I'm a medical student and I need my hours, and sometimes they just go to things like worrying about being alone, about never accomplishing dreams I know I can. I jsut want people to hear this I want people to know I'm not perfect, I'm not bulletproof, I'm just a normal person with ups and downs that wants to attain self health so bad. And to be with people I love, and to be around friends, and new exciting places. I just want these things more than I want depression. But the thoguhts they interject and sometimes trying to keep gong makes it harder, so I thought hear listen. Why is it that after all this time our bodies still choose to feel sad our minds miss the solutions are don't see them as a possibilities and our options they narrow.

I was sitting down today and thought about how much the world is a reflection of what is inside us. If we feel like crap we judge every elses gestures and take them personally, even though I perfectly know 99.99999 percent of the time it has nothing to do with me. It's the emotion that gets to me, and when the emotion sets free no matter what I try to do to rationalize it and make myself feel better it usually is ineffective. It seems like release and feeling connected to others and the world around me is what makes me feel better releasing my words freely into the iternet such in a way thats your eyes can see it so there can be a point when my words and your mind meets.

There hasn't been a time in my life where warmth hasn't made the depression feel better. Because when I feel warm and connected the self rejecting thoughts end and are replaced by better thoughts.

Ah yes self rejection, I always say in my head I can accept any kind of rejection. but self rejection is where I draw the line. That is where I draw the line. To accept your self to feel love for yourself, a good self image is great. But then it flees for me at times, and I'm back ha, back. I wonder if depression is something we need so what is the best way to release it.

Release sadness, release sadness, releaseeeee.

End rant.