So what if your father gets mad. What's the worse thing that could happen. Silent treatment? Argument? He is a silent tyrant and controls each of you and your mother, unknowingly I'm sure, has enabled this his whole life to keep peace. 60 isn't that old. His disinterest in a home falling down around him is indicative of helplessness. Be it depression, stubbornness, what have you. He doesn't possess the power you give him. He may be scared to death but who would he vocalize that to? He's old school. I'm the man and I run things. Period. As mentioned above, does he go to the doctor regularly? Would talking to his doctor produce results if he confronted him? Does he have brothers or male friends who have any influence over him? If you would stop enabling him, and I mean this with no judgment, and not be available to drive them to appointments and such, might he then repair the car? If he was abusive you would then have the luxury of using the area of aging agency to intervene. In the interim, I would go to my mother's home, embrace her and tell her nothing on earth would be embarrassing about her, and help her. It may shame your father to act. Might not. But you would be helping her. Ideally, the family would stop tip toeing around this man and say what needs to be said. Easier said than done but it looks unavoidable down the road. Do they go to church? I'm thinking your father would behave in the presence of a pastor or any other authority figure.Your father may not go to therapy but it would do wonders for your mother to discuss this, especially someone local who knows what's available agency wise. It would get her out, socialize her and give her hope and a new perspective on her condition. And may even empower her to address these issues with your father who she continues to protect and shield from reality. These are just some thoughts. I grew up with a father just like that. I ignored him and took care of my mother. I'll betcha if she moved to an apartment he'd follow. There is housing for low income folks that is rather nice. It would be encouraging if she had that option.