my low self esteem is mostly due to my relationship with my mother. i am the youngest of two. my sister is two years older than me. for as long as i can remember, i have always been compared to her especially by my mom. no matter what i do, i can not be good enough. after my sister graduated high school (1st in her class, of course) she went to school to become an x-ray tech. then she went on to med school and is now a doctor. after i graduated from high school (only 2nd in my class...which of course was my fault...) i got a degree in psychology (i thought it would help me!). after working in that field a few years i realized that it was not the career for me. so i went back to school to become an x-ray tech. this had nothing to do with my sister being a tech; i absolutely love what i do and know it was the right choice. however, now my family expects me to continue on to be just like my sister.
we graduated from college (her from med school and me from x-ray school) a week apart. of course, she got tons of attention from my mom and i got none. it gets so frustrating because i know that no matter what i do, i will never be good enough for her. all i've ever wanted is her respect. even at 28, i feel like i need to do everything i can to impress her hoping that i will get some respect for it. it's tearing me up because i feel like i can never be good enough at anything i do.
i'll continue to post more about this situation later...