Hi, I'm still new to PC and I'm new to the depression forums.

I can identify with what everyone has said. Especially about being empty, feeling like I don't belong and having so much to do but not being able to begin.

It's almost like I feel as though I'm a robot... just moving from here to there without any real purpose of my own, empty. Like at work, I just want to go, do what I "have" to do and go back home where it's safe, so I can "turn off". I block out everything that's happening around me... nothing matters.

I isolate myself, I don't want to talk to anyone because I either have to lie about how I'm feeling or I have to talk about it. It's exhausting. And while people mean well, what they say will often irritate the f*** out of me or make me feel worse.

I don't take care of myself: don't shower, wear the same dirty clothes every day. I eat but not for nutrition, it's for comfort so I eat junk food. I lay in bed all day watching TV and when I have to go out somewhere, I playback the made up life I created as a child over and over again in my head while I avoid eye contact and conversation with people.

And once I'm depressed... once I'm in that dark place, I'm almost always afraid to leave. It's like I don't want to confront all that has been neglected... like it's too much work to put my life back together again.